No Longer Young
by Silverstreams
Summary: Cave Johnson had always been a superficial man.


**_"Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?"_**

_[warnings for sexism, language, and general awfulness from Cave]_

* * *

It began with occasional comments.

Her smiles were met with glares. She got grunts in response where she usually received grunts. The comments themselves were fleeting and clipped—trivial complaints.

She paid no mind to it, really. Aperture had inevitably begun to suck the boundless enthusiasm for science from the once-jubilant man. It only made sense that he'd be a bit more short with her than usual. He needed to save his energy, Caroline rationalized as she gently knocked on his door to deliver files.

He barely looked up from his desk, grumbling and motioning her over with a sharp wave of the hand.

She opened her mouth to give her—as usual—optimistic and abridged versions of the files he needed to review, but he cut her off.

"I've got it," he said. "Don't 'cha have something better to do than waste time reading this stuff?"

Caroline simply nodded and retreated without a word, briefly thankful for this change in duities. Though she enjoyed staying connected to even the most irrelevant workings of this facility, there was a point where even the backbone of Aperture's eyes blurred together after hours of reading the tiny type and scrawled notes.

With an ever-so-more relaxed face, she dove into the constantly-growing backlog of paperwork to be sorted through. Between bursts of that, she took brief trips down to the labs. Caroline took quick and informative notes on the state of the facility. It was far more fascinating to observe it for herself than simply read about it. And it was amazing how eliminating one task could free up so much of her time and energy.

Two days later, Cave Johnson stormed out of his office. The door slammed and a pen on her desk rattled, but Caroline simply swiveled her chair to greet him. After years of these temper-tantrums, she handled them with ease.

"Goddamn it, Caroline," he yelled, waving around a handful of partially-crumpled documents. "What the hell are these?"

"The reports you requested the other day, Mr. Johnson," she said, barely missing a beat. She swiveled back to her typewriter.

"I can't put up with this legal bullshit," he said, dropping the papers soundly onto her desk. "I've got a company to run."

"I'll get to those right away, then," Caroline agreed as he lumbered back into his office. She pushed the papers aside on her already-cluttered desk to make room for these additions.

* * *

She thought nothing of it until she brought him his coffee the next morning.

The two personalized mugs (one stating 'World's Best Assistant' and the other '#1 Boss') warmed her hands. Swirling steam drifted behind her as she walked through the chilled facility and to his office.

She gently placed it on a coaster, her five fingers wrapping around the rim as she twisted it so that the handle faced him. As Caroline walked off to enjoy her identical cup of coffee, she heard a loud sputtering and then pained coughing. Droplets of brown splattered across the desk.

"Here, I'll go get you another," Caroline said, reaching for the mug.

Cave gave another cough before he wiped his mouth with the side of his hand. "Don't bother," he said. "The coffee's terrible anyway."

Caroline drew back, frowning, The coffee that she'd made today had be exactly like the coffee she'd made each day—almost robotically—for the past thirty years. She _knew_ she hadn't made a mistake.

"Let me at least help you get this cleaned up—" she broke off, confusion still swirling through her thoughts. Cave simply nodded, picking up splattered papers and giving them useless shakes.

The next day, she made she the coffee as she always had. Cave had no qualms with it.

Caroline gave herself a quick look at her reflection in the glass of the door. "How do I look?" she said, adjusting her clean-cut jacket then straightening the cream-colored blouse beneath.

Cave didn't glance up. "Still think you'd look better in a dress. Or even a skirt," he said, standing up and straightening his own tie. With this rare and hugely important meeting with potential investors just minutes away, both of them felt stronger jitters than they'd felt in a while. If they played their cards right, this could be a real new beginning for Aperture.

Caroline had volunteered to give the bulk of the presentation. She had all of the numbers and all of the statistics arranged in colorful and easy-to-read charts. The plan was to dispense the information in an incredibly cheerful and optimistic way. They'd have no choice but to be entranced by the charm of Aperture Science.

Cave would still be an integral part of it. He'd greet the potential investors, introduce Caroline, and then leap in at the end to give a signature Cave Johnson ending.

"Hey Caroline? I'm headed down now to give 'em the old handshake and smile. Think you can grab us a couple cups of coffee?" he said, knowing they'd need all the energy they could absorb for this.

"Of course," said Caroline, tucking a folder under her arm before disappearing to the nearest break room.

* * *

Their voices drifted through the hall—loud, boisterous, as they always were. Sometimes Caroline swore that they were worse than unattended middle school boys.

With files beneath her arms and coffee mugs in each hand, she pushed the door to the conference room open with her shoulder.

The voices pulled back like a shift in the tide. The door drifted shut and Caroline strode to her boss's side, giving the businessmen a curt smile as she handed Cave his coffee.

"There you are, Caroline," said Cave, glancing at the handful of potential investors. "Was wondering what took you so long."

"Just getting your coffee," she said with a slight smile. With her own cup in her hand, she moved toward her seat. Before she could give the room a proper welcome, however, one of the men cut her off.

"Hey sweetheart, got one of those for me?"

Caroline pulled back, briefly caught off guard. She tried to laugh it off, as if to say that she understood the joke and that she was in on his humor. A beat of silence passed. The man raised his eyebrows, waiting for her response.

"Yeah—" another one piped in. "You get _him _coffee but not us? We're the ones you need to impress, after all."

Caroline gave another uncomfortable smile, still taken aback. She took a tiny step backward, shooting Cave a glance before setting her hand on the back of her seat. "The coffee machine's right down the hallway, gentlemen," she said smoothly. "Feel free to help yourself before we get started."

Cave shot her a glare. "Caroline—" he hissed. "C'mon. Just go get 'em some coffee."

Caroline pursed her lips, smile briefly wavering. She gave an almost distinguishable shake of the head. _No ._She was not going to do this, and be sent out on yet another pointless errand just to please some self-entitled men.

"Looks like you need to get yourself a new secretary, Cave," said another one of the businessmen—a once-blond overweight man. He gave an ugly guffaw.

Cave joined in a minute later with a hearty laugh. "Yeah," he said. "Shoulda traded her in for a new model years ago, right?

Though Caroline sensed the brief moment of unease and hesitation in his laugh, the words still cut deep. She tightened her hand around the tip of the chair and made a conscious effort to relax her shoulders and plaster on a smile.

"You know," she said, briefly bending to set her folder by Cave. "I think I'll go get these coffees now. Go ahead and get started without me," she said smoothly. She paused to set a hand on Cave's shoulder. "And good luck with your presentation, Mr. Johnson."

* * *

Caroline folded her hands together on her desktop, idly rubbing her thumbs together. Leaving him completely unprepared for the presentation and completely alone like that—well, Cave certainly wouldn't be in a pleasant mood when he returned.

He rarely was these days.

She'd considered delving into some of the paperwork while she waited for the meeting's completion. Normally losing herself in her work was the easiest way to distract from her feelings, but doing that now would be cowardly. She was ready to deal with the consequences.

Sure enough, an hour or so later Cave trudged back in. He didn't even say anything to her, instead powering forward into his office.

Caroline internally cringed, just waiting for the sound of a slammed door to echo through the halls.

Instead, he left his door slightly ajar.

Caroline eyed it, unfolding her hands and tiptoeing her way to the door. "Mr. Johnson?" she said, hand curling around the doorframe.

He gave a sweep of her arm, motioning her arm. "Close the door behind you," he grumbled. He ran a hand through his receding hair, giving a heavy exhale.

Caroline nodded, slipping the door closed with a soft click.

"How could you do that to me, Caroline?" he said, folding his hands and staring up at her. "I looked like a damn joke up there. I didn't know what to do or what to say."

Caroline said nothing, simply giving an unimpressed raise of her eyebrows.

"There's no _way _any of them are going to throw money at me," he said, resting his head on his hands. "They practically laughed me out of there."

"Wow, I wonder how that feels," Caroline said, voice flat with sarcasm.

"Whatta mean?" Cave said, glancing up.

Caroline took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. How could he be this dense? "Look, I can handle you being an—" she paused, searching for a more polite phrasing, "—a pain when we're in private. It's my job. But you _can't _treat me like that in front of other people, Mr. Johnson."

"What—oh, that?" he said, frowning. "That was a joke, Caroline. You know how guys can be. I was just joking. You know—making the mood lighter." He gave a nervous laugh. "Easy to be intimidated someone like you. I mean, have you looked in the mirror lately? God, you look so—""

Caroline clenched her fists, feeling her body tense. "—old?" Caroline hissed.

Cave gave a small jerk. "Well, I wasn't gonna say it like that but—"

Caroline raised a hand to her graying hair, pointing at it with a finger. "You see this? This is what working for this company has done to me. This is what working for _you_ has done to me."

"Couldn't you at least, yannow, dye it or something?" he said.

"No!" Caroline said, voice rising. "Why, am I _embarrassing _you, Mr. Johnson?"

"No—well, I don't know. Hell. You're just not as young as you used to be—"

"Well, neither are you," Caroline hissed. "But I don't see you having to pretend that you're any younger than you are. I can't keep hiding my age, and you can't keep pretending I'm still in my twenties."

Cave stammered, for once at a loss of words.

She had been beautiful once.

Paired with the backdrop of Aperture, she had been a stunning sight to behold, a goddess of science and progress. But she'd moved on from the ages of a bright and bouncy secretary and into the role of a steadfast force in Aperture. This place had stolen her vitality and sucked the color from her hair, leaving it as lifeless as an empty lab.

"Is it because I'm not beautiful?" she said, voice dropping quietly.

Cave gave a brief hesitation, holding eye contact with her. "Of course you are, Caroline," he said. "Of _course._ I just want them all to see it too. I guess I just miss the old you, you know?"

Caroline merely shook her head, looking down. "No," she said. "You just miss the days you could parade around your pretty, young assistant—that enthusiastic 'yes, sir!' girl. The one you weren't _ashamed _of. I'm a different woman now, Mr. Johnson. You of all people should know that."

Cave glanced away, giving his fists a quick squeeze. "And what's this 'Mr. Johnson' thing all the time? Why don't you call me 'sir' anymore?' he growled.

Caroline gave an almost-exasperated sigh. "Well, _sir, _I was under the impression that I'd risen in rank in this company."

"And why the hell would you think that? You think you're on the same level as me? I'm the one who runs this place, Caroline," he hissed. "Not you."

"Oh really? Caroline said, eyebrows raising. "As if I don't do _everything _for this place."

Cave gave a laugh of disbelief. "Are you kidding? You haven't even been doing your damn job lately. Passing off your work to me, screwing up my coffee. Damn, you even left me alone with those sharks of businessmen—"

"Then why do you even have me around still, _sir?_" she said, voice dropping.

"Sometimes I wonder that myself," Cave grumbled, almost under her breath.

Caroline felt as if she'd been kicked. How could he—how could he just so blatantly say that? As if she wasn't the one who truly kept this place alive and beating like a perfectly-ticking metronome. She and Cave—they had always been partners in science.

Why did he _always _feel as though he had to assert his position over her?

She paused to catch her breath, lips wavering.

"You turned me into a _joke._ Like someone to be used and replaced once I loose my charm. And if that's all I am to you—just an easy laugh, some convenient scapegoat for your own problems—then I'm sick of it. I'm tired of cleaning up your messes only to be laughed out of the room. "

"Caroline—" Cave exhaled. She'd never had a problem with any of this before—why would she act up now?

"You are _nothing _without me, Cave," Caroline said, hand closing around the door

"Caroline, please" Cave said, voice shifting into pleading as the severity of her words sunk in.

"And until you acknowledge that—until you treat me with the respect I deserve—I'm done."

The door slammed shut with a resounding thunk.

Caroline scurried past her desk, not even bothering to answer her ringing phone.

She couldn't believe it had taken her so long to see what the rest of the world had known for _ages _about Cave Johnson. He was a man of grand promises with hidden intentions; a man who didn't care about how many people—including his own employees—got hurt on the twisted path of progress.

And she had loved him.

She always had.

So blinded by the grandeur of Aperture she'd been that she'd failed to see the most glaring fact of all.

Cave Johnson didn't love her anymore.


End file.
